Its been a horrible Monday, and its Tuesday. I was sitting on my bed in my own little pity party looking at the piles of mess in my room thinking about all that I need to do, feeling sick and all- around discouraged for numerous reasons. I decided to get online and read for a little while, and for some reason, I decided to read old blog entries.
You know its funny, I was wishing someone could come and cheer me up, tell me how great I am but ironically in the mood I've been in today I'm not sure I would have believed them. (I know, better for everyone else that they don't have to deal with me!)
Instead I started to read what I'd written about my trip to Utah and loving my family, about learning how to heal after break ups and being funkless and somehow it was looking at myself, remembering that part of me that brought me back to who I was. Helped me to look beyond the mess of my room (and for today what feels like the mess of my life).
And today I'm grateful that several months ago I decided to blog. Because I was just what I needed.
My patriarchal blessing talks about recording my life experiences and the meaning I learn from them, and as I result how I, and my posterity will be blessed. And though I'm still an inconsistent journal writer, I couldn't help but think today that I am seeing an example of that blessing.
"And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day." Alma 36:3
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
My first month: December 1982
Dec 1982
Jenny and Elizabeth were so happy to come with Dad to pick you and me up from the hospital. They rubbed your head so softly and so long.
Jozanne and Naomi ran out of our house as soon as Dad and I and you pulled in the driveway. They took turns holding you until bedtime.
After everyone was in bed Jed took some time by himself to rock you and get to know you.
Mack helped Elizabeth hold you on her lap. He prayed in our family prayer that you and I would do well.
Jenny said as she laid down with you and also she put you on her lap, "Wouldn't Daddy like to take a picture?"
You often slept through all your brothers and sisters' cuddling throughout the day.
Jozanne responded quickly and happily when I told her she'd be able to have a turn with you when her work was done.
Elizabeth laid by you a lot, for a long time.
One time when Elizabeth was wanting to lay by you, you were in a box. She climbed right in. I helped her see that there wasn't enough room.
Jed spent extra time with you one evening letting you lay on his chest.
Elizabeth would get extra happy when I'd lay you on her lap. She always wanted to take off your socks and see your toes.
After our family enjoyed each one opening his/her Christmas gifts, everyone noticed your lack of presents. Mack then said, "she is a present herself."
You responded to our love, with listening to us with your whole body.
Jenny held you quite a while in sacrament meeting for her first time. She was so contented and quite.
I love you.
- Mom
Jenny and Elizabeth were so happy to come with Dad to pick you and me up from the hospital. They rubbed your head so softly and so long.
Jozanne and Naomi ran out of our house as soon as Dad and I and you pulled in the driveway. They took turns holding you until bedtime.
After everyone was in bed Jed took some time by himself to rock you and get to know you.
Mack helped Elizabeth hold you on her lap. He prayed in our family prayer that you and I would do well.
Jenny said as she laid down with you and also she put you on her lap, "Wouldn't Daddy like to take a picture?"
You often slept through all your brothers and sisters' cuddling throughout the day.
Jozanne responded quickly and happily when I told her she'd be able to have a turn with you when her work was done.
Elizabeth laid by you a lot, for a long time.
One time when Elizabeth was wanting to lay by you, you were in a box. She climbed right in. I helped her see that there wasn't enough room.
Jed spent extra time with you one evening letting you lay on his chest.
Elizabeth would get extra happy when I'd lay you on her lap. She always wanted to take off your socks and see your toes.
After our family enjoyed each one opening his/her Christmas gifts, everyone noticed your lack of presents. Mack then said, "she is a present herself."
You responded to our love, with listening to us with your whole body.
Jenny held you quite a while in sacrament meeting for her first time. She was so contented and quite.
I love you.
- Mom
Sunday, September 19, 2010
One-line emails
My mother has pages and pages of journal, I'm not sure where she keeps them. I remember when we moved there were a lot of boxes marked "Marcia's," and most of them heavy with papers. Maybe because she is still alive, or perhaps because she'd like to do some edits - we kids don't have full perusal rights. But sometime in the past year she's started sharing little one-liners that she has written about us through the years.
I just started getting these little one-line emails this year and I love them. They come once or twice a week interspersed with her other encouraging messages and some how they communicate to me what it was like to be a part of my family as baby, memories of my brothers that I didn't grow up with . . . She can remember what I can't. Today I got a line
Oct. 1983
Elizabeth and you were under Jozanne's bed, squealing to your hearts' delight.
I love you.
Mom
Who knew I was such an exciting baby? Or that I made so much noise.
In so many ways its reflection of my mother, what she saw in us and the things she extracts from those daily histories that she chooses to tell me.
In organizational communication they say the stories you tell about your organization shape a person's perspectives. In the same way - the book The Intentional Family encourages intentional story telling of family history to shape family values.
Looking back through my emails I can't help but see all the love coming through those little one-liners.
I just started getting these little one-line emails this year and I love them. They come once or twice a week interspersed with her other encouraging messages and some how they communicate to me what it was like to be a part of my family as baby, memories of my brothers that I didn't grow up with . . . She can remember what I can't. Today I got a line
Oct. 1983
Elizabeth and you were under Jozanne's bed, squealing to your hearts' delight.
I love you.
Mom
Who knew I was such an exciting baby? Or that I made so much noise.
In so many ways its reflection of my mother, what she saw in us and the things she extracts from those daily histories that she chooses to tell me.
In organizational communication they say the stories you tell about your organization shape a person's perspectives. In the same way - the book The Intentional Family encourages intentional story telling of family history to shape family values.
Looking back through my emails I can't help but see all the love coming through those little one-liners.
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